Winner winner prepackaged dinner.

My cooking skills are somewhat unpredictable. Either I turn out delectable masterpieces (if you run into Sharon anytime soon ask her about my chicken noodle, she still raves) or abysmal failures. I like to have a "live test" for the smoke detectors about once a week, and I'm happy to report those suckers WORK. My meals are so unpredictable that it's gotten to the point Nate will tell me several times a day, don't worry about dinner for me and the kids, you just take care of yourself before you leave for work. (I work nights)
Today however, I turned out a meal of such amazing mediocrity and dullness that I barely had any room to screw it up. Here are the steps taken to accomplish this feat.

1. Sticking to the usual plan of ignoring your family and fending for yourself, head to the fridge to assemble the delicious "lick the bowl clean" chicken salad. Aww crap, no chicken, you ate it all at lunch dummy.
2. Scour the fridge to see what else you can throw together
3. Immediately abandon the ketchup, lemon juice, moldy cheese concoction that is your only option from available fridge contents.
4. Go deepfreeze diving. Surface for air clutching a family size box of Salisbury steaks. Come to grips with the fact that you are now cooking for the whole family.
5. Send daughter out for cans of corn (that you sprained your ankle NOT stepping on two weeks ago.)
6. Pop that tray in the nuker.
7. While throwing out the box realize firstly, that it makes the point of telling you explicitly that the processed meat is in yummy gravy and secondly, you need mashed potatoes.
8. Mourn the absence of (fakey) mashed potatoes in your pantry and settle for stovetop stuffing instead.
9. While washing the only slotted spoon in the house stifle gag when you realize the sponge has gone all mildewy.
10. Throw sponge away and wash hands
11. Wash hands again
12. One more wash should get rid of the smell.
13. Get the pot o butter water boiling for that stovetop. (save nutritional guilt trip for later when you can't fall asleep)
14. Recognize daughter has been watching tv for five minutes and ask her "where ARE those cans of corn?" and then congratulate yourself for not laughing OR screaming when she vaguely answers "in the house."
15. While turning with boiling pot o butter water to dump into stovetop stuffing mix do NOT scald yourself when you notice son scrubbing his face with mildewy sponge.
16. Send son to wash hands and face.
17. Sniff your hands, wash again.
18. Dump two cans of corn into sauce pan with a little more butter (more guilt for later) and a dash er DUMP of pepper.
19. Scoop out as much pepper as you can.
20. Listen for the beep.

If you have followed all steps correctly you will be able to enjoy such comments as..." you already made dinner? I had a plan" and... " mommy, can I just have the corn, in a bowl, with a spoon, in front if the tv?" also... "ewwwwwww gross" (this last one made by a two year old while shoveling in spoonfuls.)