In honor of Mother's day here are a few things I was utterly surprised to hear myself saying.
"because I'm the mother, that's why!"- OK, ignoring the fact that this means I have actually become my mother there is a secondary reason I was surprised at finding myself saying this. I had some silly idea that I was going to be a hip mom. A mom who used "teaching moments". A mom who took the time to explain things in great detail to little minds so they understood the basis of my decisions and could reason with my logic. YEAH RIGHT!
"Finish your happy meal before you go play"- in my pre-child life I was always dumbfounded to hear parents say this. I thought to myself, "yeah, make sure your force feed that kid a box full of grease and deny them a chance to run around and exercise." Well, slice me off a piece of that humble pie with my own words filling. I was missing a crucial piece of the equation. I paid for that!
"Don't pour the cereal in your monkey"- This one in particular stands out because I said it while talking on the phone to my sister. I was all geared up to explain that we have a soap dish monkey that is capable of holding liquid contents. But my sister (a mother of four herself) didn't miss a beat in our conversation. She either didn't care about a cereal bloated monkey running around our house or she was by this point completely unflappable by the weirdness of raising kids.
"That (insert ANY nonfood item) is NOT food"- why do I even have to say this? My kids stick EVERYTHING in their mouth. And we're not talking about the under one exploratory mouthing stage. They're two and four. They were born without the "this tastes gross" gene. It's sad really. My nutritional standards went from "organic and healthy", to "I try to keep it balanced", past "edible", on to "is it biodegradable?" I finally loosened them all the way to "will it pass safely?"
"The baby ate a spider"- I pulled out three legs.
"Did you play in that bucket of poop?"- To be fair, it wasn't my bucket of poop, it was my neighbors bucket of poop. Dog, to be exact, just waiting to be disposed of. I am proud to report the answer was no.
Happy Mother's day to all you great moms out there!
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